WARNING: Sad/Hard to read Post

This is my little girl, only she isn't so little anymore. For me she hasn't been a baby for what seems like a very long time. I am sure when she is a teenager, I will look back and think "wow remember how young she was when she was 4?" and shed a tear for the time pasted.

Today I am especially grateful for my patience trying, attitude wielding, cry because the snow turns back to rain, daughter. She is all that is beautiful in my world and I will forever think of this day when I don't think I can handle any more from her.

At the hospital there were 6 babies to photograph. 6 is not so many but usually it's 2 maybe 3 some days only 1. To say the least it was a busy day. Half way into my sessions and finding a good groove, the entire floor of the hospital swings into a different mood. A mother has just had an emergency c-section with a devastating realization. Her 2 minute old baby girl is not healthy, not breathing, and not complete. The babies cleft lip is the first visual sign that she was going to have complications. Life flight is called in. The nursery is so jammed full of people that the babies grandparents can't even see her from the window. She will not survive. After about an hour it is decided there is nothing that can be done to save this new little life. She is only breathing because a machine is helping her, she only has a heartbeat because of all the assistance she has been give from the amazing medical staff at the hospital. In this very unique situation, where the baby has not yet died and was born with a very limited amount of time, it gives her parents a very unique opportunity to spend time with her before she passes away. Her parents asked if I would photograph this time. Their family is beautiful. Big brother was so proud. Baby girl was so sweet. Once she was taken off all of the machines and she was in her mother's loving arms, there was no way to know how much longer her heart would beat. As I photographed her, she slowly changed slightly, and then was gone. I hadn't really thought it all through. I didn't really think I'd be right there, capturing her last moments here in this life, with her parents. I can't even begin to explain the feelings. The utter disbelief of life and life lost is astonishing. It was my honor to have been there and to have been able to provide the family with those photographs.

Being in the room with this family as their brand new baby girl passed away made me realized how stupid I am about things with my own daughter. Those parents would give anything to be bugged by their daughter because she wants to watch Dora for the 10th time. I am hard on her because I want her to be strong and self-reliant, but one of her greatest traits is her sweet sensitive nature. I want her to keep it and I will never forget that.